The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't payingattention in class. She called on him and said,"Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnnyquickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the CartoonNetwork!"
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, mythree year old came into the room when I was justgetting ready to get into the shower. She said,"Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey,remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "Iknow," she replied, "but what is growing in yourbutt?"
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned hercolors yet, so I decided to test her. I would pointout something and ask what color it was. She wouldtell me, and she was always correct. But it was funfor me, so I continued. At last, she headed for thedoor, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should tryto figure out some of these yourself!"
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a newlitter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlesslyinformed his mother, "There were two boy kittens andtwo girl kittens." "How did you know that?" his motherasked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,"he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
THE ELDERLY: While working for an organization thatdelivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to takemy four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances ofold age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself forthe inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turnedand whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believethis!"
Finding one of her students making faces at others onthe playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby,when I was a child, I was told that if I made uglyfaces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, youcan't say you weren't warned."
"When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather WhoDied Peacefully In His Sleep. Not Screaming Like AllThe Passengers That Were Riding With Him In His Car."
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